First of all, I should be in bed. But I'm not. Stayed up wanting to type things on here that are weighing on my mind in the hopes that just releasing them would lift my mood. But I've procrastinated my thought-to-post formulating, so now I'm tired. Tiredness lends itself to tiresome thoughts. And I realized that it's too easy to start dwelling on stuff I don't like or agree with and to develop a complaining attitude when, really, I should constantly be grateful for all that I have in abundance around me right now.
Even now, I'm trying to pinpoint what issue is so bad that I could be bothered instead of contented right now.
At this point, it's Christmas Eve. I still need to put my gifts into giftbags, but that won't take much time. I like giving. I'm so thankful I can afford to bestow a few extra tokens upon my family and some friends.
We're having a bunch of people over Christmas night, and I'm anticipating some stress with younger kids needing attention and entertainment when all I want to do is enjoy Christmas in my own home and not worry about looking after other peoples' kids. However, it's a blessing to open our home to long-time friends and their kids, to share warmth and joy. We'll be surrounded by abundance in love, friendship, food, and cheer.
My room is still messy. I get little patches straightened up here and there and give away or throw away trash bags full of stuff, and yet piles remain. How did I ever accumulate so much and/or let so much stuff scatter without proper organization? And yet... I am so thankful that I don't have to deal with a condition like hoarding (ok, so I'm a minor pack-rat/ sentimental keepsake person a lot of the time...). I actually really like the feeling of getting rid of excess material things. Some extras serve well as gifts. Others.... I still plan to try selling online someday. Gosh, I gotta do that. Get rid of things and get money at the same time? Without the hassle of a garage sale? It'd be nice. In any case, I've never been wanting for nice things. I just need to keep up with organization and prioritize the time and place for saving and getting rid of certain items.
My computer screen/ internet browser/ webpage window does not allow me to see the top part of my layout's background image, and it's kind of bumming me out. I know there's a cute white bird perched on a branch, but I can't see it.
However, part of that may just be due to either my lack of knowledge of how to adjust such settings or the fact that it's a sacrifice I'll just have to make while viewing this webpage with a Macbook. A beautiful, shiny, white new Macbook. First computer upgrade since getting my first computer for my highschool graduation (that's 8 years with the same old Dell). I am thrilled to have a Macbook.
For several years, I've been aware of a tension within the Messianic Jewish movement regarding Christmas. Some people are adamant to point out the pagan origins of December 25th and, therefore, how it's inappropriate to celebrate Christmas.... and there's a lot more to that, but I won't get into it. Plenty of materials out there to research. My point is: I like Christmas, and I've always celebrated it. Never did any of the Santa Claus schtick, but we've had a tree and exchanged gifts on Dec. 25th, listened to Christmas music, etc. I'm a Messianic Jew. I observe the Biblical feasts and holy days. So I celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas. It irks me when folks who don't believe in celebrating Christmas make such a fuss about it. Personally, I believe Yeshua (Jesus) was more likely born during the harvest season, around the festival of Sukkot, based on what I've heard of the Biblical timeline. So the date's off. But for everyone who keeps the birth of the Messiah, God's gift of Salvation to the world, as the focus of Christmas, spreading love and helping the less fortunate and gathering for fellowship... I think all of that is good and pleasing and beautiful.
So Merry Christmas.
And I have not had anyone lecture me or anything or come across any all-out "attacks" (a strong word, but I'm tired... synonyms aren't top on the list this moment) on Christmas, so I need not dwell on the subject. Really, the only thing that's been bothering me lately is Santa. I'm just over the whole Santa business. I think it's been building up inside of me (isn't that a part of a song somewhere?), and I've had it with the far end of the Christmas spectrum that replaces the birth of Christ with Santa Claus and the North Pole.
Santa's a phony. Yeshua is real.
On the flip side of annoyance, I am thankful that I live in the United States of America where, despite political correctness that can get plain ridiculous, I'm free to worship my God and celebrate Him in the open, without fear of persecution (I know, aside from the general slant against Christianity, certain moments of separation of church and state, etc., we still have it great over here on the freedom-of-faith front, and for that, I am very glad).
I must never take for granted God's work in my life and in my family's lives. My parents and brothers and I can be here together in love and harmony when, a few years ago, there were rifts in our relationships to one another, and I wasn't sure that we'd ever be together as a family much longer after that. Thank God for His faithfulness and mercy. We are healthy, happy, and together, and it is a wonderful thing.
Lastly (as I gape a the current time), I wish getting together with my boyfriend were a matter of casual coordination and a 15-20 minute drive rather than planning weeks in advance and driving 2-4 hours just to be with one another. It's a fact that the distance stinks. Sometimes it's a benefit... but I feel like the time of distance benefits has gone (probably hasn't... we might yet find something great about the distance... maybe), so all I want is our closeness.
However: it's our reality right now, and we have discussed our concerns and hopes and fears in regards to that reality, and I trust that God has it in His hands and that we won't have this distance forever. AND if having such a remarkable man as my significant other happens to include roughly 220-odd miles of space between us most days, it's worth it, and I wouldn't trade the miles for anyone closer. I am so thankful for modern technology that allows instant communication, and I am thankful that I have a vehicle and funds available for road trips and adventures with him. Micah, if you're reading this, I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I am so incredibly blessed to have you in my life. You make my heart gong. :)
I would k'vetch about it being so late already, but it's my own doing. And now, I am free to leave the computer and become one with a soft, warm bed to catch a few hours of sleep before the Christmas Eve day ahead.
Sleep well, if you're going to sleep. Godspeed, if you're facing the rest of the day. And be uplifted, at whatever point of the 24 hours you find yourself.
